It’s impossible to live in this world without getting hurt, or hurting others. And yet, we need each other. That’s why forgiveness is so important. We talk to Dr Everett Worthington about forgiveness. Ev is not only an expert on forgiveness, but he shares some very personal experiences with forgiveness that add weight to his academic and clinical knowledge.
2:12 - started as a nuclear engineer.
3:14 - Ev's mission is to do all I can to promote forgiveness in every willing heart, home and homeland.
4:16 - why is forgiveness so important to you?
6:01 - why is forgiveness so hard?
8:05 - what causes hurt.
9:28 - what is justice.
10:07 - both revenge and reconciliation is required for survival.
11:00 - the consequences of holding onto a grudge.
12:04 - spiritual consequences of holding onto grudges.
12:18 - mental health consequences of grudges.
13:33 - impact on physical health.
15:54 - does forgiveness let the other person off the hook?
16:30 - two types of forgiveness.
17:38 - you can forgive too early.
17:56 - you can both forgive and hold them accountable.
18:17 - the hardest thing Ev has forgiven.
18:43 - there are some things that I just don't think I can forgive.
19:10 - all events are forgivable.
19:18 - injustice gaps.
20:23 - forgiveness is not the only way to deal with injustice.
21:23 - REACH forgiveness model.
22:03 - R: Recall the hurt.
22:32 - E: Empathise.
23:32 - A: Altruistic gift. Forgiveness is not something anyone deserves.
24:11 - C: Commit
24:21 - H: Hold onto the commitment to forgive when I doubt.
24:51 - feeling angry doesn't mean you haven't forgiven.
25:46 - repeat offenders.
27:35 - Christian view on forgiveness.
28:16 - applying the empathy step of REACH.
29:46 - what to do when we're the offender.
30:31 - make it right with what you hold sacred.
30:51 - make it right with the person.
31:12 - CONFESS model for the offender.
31:26 - C: Confess without excuse.
31:47 - O: Offer an apology.
31:59 - N: Note the other person's pain.
32:09 - F: Forever value the person.
32:35 - E: Equalize.
32:46 - S: Say 'never again'.
32:58 - S: Seek forgiveness.
33:19 - make it right psychologically with yourself.
33:46 - use REACH to forgive yourself.
34:29 - hardest step: accept myself.
34:56 - struggle with self acceptance is what keeps psychotherapists in business.
35:12 - last step: live virtuously.
35:22 - Ev's personal experience with self forgiveness.
40:59 - it's hardest to help the people closest to us.
43:13 - helping a country to forgive: contribution in South Africa after Apartheid.
45:39 - difference between personal and group forgiveness.
48:00 - the difference one person can make through forgiveness.
48:20 - forgiveness research has taken off in recent years due to international need for reconciliation.
49:54 - the role humility plays in forgiveness.
50:19 - what humility actually is.
53:35 - free resources for forgiveness and humility.
53:44 - how to get in touch with Ev.
54:25 - final thank you.
More detailed show notes with links and references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-everett-worthington/