This episode is about Erotic Empathy. So yes, we'll be talking about sex. Amanda Luterman is a psychotherapist and founder of the Centre for Erotic Empathy. She has over a decade of clinal experience helping people to have more fulfilling relationships and better psychological well-being by reducing the stigma and barriers inhibiting intimacy.
2:09 - how do people respond when Amanda introduces herself at a networking event.
3:52 - scared of talking about sex.
5:06 - how Amanda's journey into erotic empathy started.
6:43 - what is erotic empathy.
7:47 - we push our partner away because of the way we feel about ourselves.
8:57 - not being judgemental about your partner's sexual preferences.
11:08 - is it usually females who are more likely to find themselves unattractive?
12:52 - how to open up with your partner about your sexual preferences.
16:01 - asking your partner: what were you fantasizing about during sex?
16:16 - power dynamics are a common sexual fantasy.
16:47 - example of initiating sex with a power dynamic.
18:54 - the way people engage in partnered sex contradicts the way people masturbate.
21:57 - lessening the pressure and expectations in sex.
24:30 - how important is sex in a romantic relationship.
25:57 - your marriage isn't over just because you develop feelings for someone else.
27:06 - the pressure men feel during sex.
29:50 - a lover is not responsible for both people's pleasure.
30:35 - being good at sex is not about technique.
32:18 - religious or moral constraints on sex.
34:36 - therapy can help couples communicate their sexual needs and expectations more safely.
35:32 - how to get better at talking to your partner about sex.
38:12 - what do women want? what do men want?
40:22 - power switching and taboo fantasies are super arousing.
41:44 - is there hope if you are no longer attracted to each other?
46:42 - marriage is a promise to look after yourself for the other person.
48:21 - what if I'm not into the same things that turn on my partner?
51:48 - can sharing fantasies of sleeping with other people go too far?
53:52 - controlling your emotions so your partner can share their sexual preferences openly with you.
54:51 - sex is about communication and emotion regulation skills.
55:34 - the paradox of building confidence in your sexuality.
57:01 - how important is sexual compatibility when choosing a partner.
59:38 - why is sex important for your relationship and your health.
1:02:02 - connect with Amanda.
You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at https://candourpodcast.com/amanda-luterman/