Candour Communication Podcast

Amanda Luterman on Erotic Empathy (#40)

Episode Summary

This episode is about Erotic Empathy. So yes, we'll be talking about sex. Amanda Luterman is a psychotherapist and founder of the Centre for Erotic Empathy. She has over a decade of clinal experience helping people to have more fulfilling relationships and better psychological well-being by reducing the stigma and barriers inhibiting intimacy.

Episode Notes

2:09 - how do people respond when Amanda introduces herself at a networking event.

3:52 - scared of talking about sex.

5:06 - how Amanda's journey into erotic empathy started.

6:43 - what is erotic empathy.

7:47 - we push our partner away because of the way we feel about ourselves.

8:57 - not being judgemental about your partner's sexual preferences.

11:08 - is it usually females who are more likely to find themselves unattractive?

12:52 - how to open up with your partner about your sexual preferences.

16:01 - asking your partner: what were you fantasizing about during sex?

16:16 - power dynamics are a common sexual fantasy.

16:47 - example of initiating sex with a power dynamic.

18:54 - the way people engage in partnered sex contradicts the way people masturbate.

21:57 - lessening the pressure and expectations in sex.

24:30 - how important is sex in a romantic relationship.

25:57 - your marriage isn't over just because you develop feelings for someone else.

27:06 - the pressure men feel during sex.

29:50 - a lover is not responsible for both people's pleasure.

30:35 - being good at sex is not about technique.

32:18 - religious or moral constraints on sex.

34:36 - therapy can help couples communicate their sexual needs and expectations more safely.

35:32 - how to get better at talking to your partner about sex.

38:12 - what do women want? what do men want?

40:22 - power switching and taboo fantasies are super arousing.

41:44 - is there hope if you are no longer attracted to each other?

46:42 - marriage is a promise to look after yourself for the other person.

48:21 - what if I'm not into the same things that turn on my partner?

51:48 - can sharing fantasies of sleeping with other people go too far?

53:52 - controlling your emotions so your partner can share their sexual preferences openly with you.

54:51 - sex is about communication and emotion regulation skills.

55:34 - the paradox of building confidence in your sexuality.

57:01 - how important is sexual compatibility when choosing a partner.

59:38 - why is sex important for your relationship and your health.

1:02:02 - connect with Amanda.


You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at